Someone will not be a baby much longer...

Last night

Worst night ever. This ALWAYS happens. Sleep training works, then stops working again.

I know this isn't supposed to be the complaining blog anymore so just stop reading if you're not interested. I am so tired (how many times have I said this phrase over the past year?). I got about 2 hours sleep last night. Dori and I are supposed to go see James perform today but I am worried I'm not going to be able to drive, let alone sit in 90 degree weather while caring for a baby-toddler. At the moment, I'm so tired I can't see straight and I feel like I'm going to keel over. But, we haven't seen James play in 4 months and he's been super excited about us coming to today's gig. ARGH! Why won't Dorian just sleep already?

In other news, does anyone want to babysit for a few hours tomorrow? I really need to study. I'll provide snacks, drinks and gas money if you can do it. And the little guy is ridiculously cute and interactive at the moment so it should be fun!

11 hours!!!!

Not much more to say, really. 11 hours glorious, continuous sleep without so much as a whimper! He doesn't do things by halves.

genes

Dori has looked like me from day one and everyone comments on it. I heard a theory that newborns more resemble their fathers in order to reassure the dad the baby is theirs. The dad is more likely to stick around and, consequently, the baby more likely to survive and reproduce offspring with the same trait. (Sorry for evolution 101, but only 14% of Americans accept evolution! Don't get me started...)

Anyway, my parents have dug out some old pictures of me as a baby and toddler to compare and contrast. Recently, D has begun to look more like Kel so I'll find some early pics of her soon.

Fashion Warning! Please remember this was the seventies.

newborn

a little older

with my dad (Dori's Granta)

with Dad (during his Elvis period) and new arrival Hannah

with Han and Lamby (now one of Dor's toys)

annoying my sister

looking good!

camping (I remember this picture being taken)

San Diego Pictures, Part 1

With Kelly's college roommate Juleane.
Waving at the camera!
With Mama.
Getting into it.
Splashing!

Still no camera...

Crazy that it hasn't arrived yet. I'm telling you, USPS sucks. I don't know why Jessica hasn't sent me her pictures from our San Diego week-end. She obviously doesn't read this blog very often. ;) I'll get James to take a video of Dori this week and post it.

In the meantime, here are a few pictures taken on my phone's camera. I can't upload them, otherwise I'd take more pictures on my phone and post them to the blog. Seriously, James even tried. Something's wrong with my phone. I get all the defective items...bad laptop, bad phone. Anyway, I texted these pics to Jessica and she was kind enough to upload them to her Facebook account.

They were all taken over the past 2 weeks.

With fake pout, taken at SFO while waiting for our flight to San Diego.
With Annie, my colleague from the accounting firm (and our photographer last week-end).
With Dorana, another one of my colleagues from the accounting firm.

With waffle, his new favorite food.

All change...

From the moment we played our final chord at the Philadelphia Folk Festival I was ready to be home with Kel and Dor. We drove the whole distance in 52 hours (apparently a Tempest record) and arrived in Oakland at 1am. I tried not to, but somehow I managed to wake them both up... OK, so I didn't try too hard; I really wanted a cuddle. I'm not sure whether D remembered me that night, but the next morning he certainly did. We giggled, smiled, chatted, played and laughed all day long, so much so he barely noticed his mum was away at her first day of nursing college. Having been away for a month, I was expecting huge changes in the little guy, particularly in light of all the blog updates recently: first words, stair-climbing etc. Actually he seems very similar to when I'd left and I'm glad; I don't want to miss a thing. The main differences I see are: he squeals/sings much more melodiously and it really seems like he's trying to sing; he laughs at things and situations where before it was just when I blew a raspberry on his stomach (his favourite game at the moment is grabbing my necklace, yanking it and collapsing in hysterics when I nod my head); he crawls much quicker and is a little steadier on his feet when pulling himself up; if he's standing and you hold his hands he 'walks', leading you around. It's a somewhat drunken lurch but I think he'll be walking unaided very soon. Watch this space...; he stares at things and people (particularly other kids) intently. Other than these few developments he's just as he was when I left - the cutest little baby/toddler ever.

So, now that Kel is studying hard I not only get the child-care duties but also I'm in charge of blog updates. I'm probably not going to be as good as Kel, but I do know how to use the camera and video so I'll make sure there's always something interesting to check out.

Changes

James will return home late tonight. I start nursing school tomorrow. Dorian's front teeth are almost through. All three of us have colds. Hopefully, the digital camera will arrive soon. I will blog again this week-end.

Laughter

Dorian has started laughing at so many things (when he's drugged up on Tylenol or Motrin and not feeling his toothy pegs). He has been laughing for months when we tickle him. But now all of sudden, he's laughing at random things. He couldn't stop laughing at my friend Erika's kittens playing on Saturday. I've never seen him laugh so hard.

Yesterday, my friend Erin and her boyfriend Ryan came over. Dorian loved Ryan. He interacted with Dorian in exactly the same way James does. Lots of gentle roughhousing and "rolly polly" games. Dorian thought it was so funny!

Then today, he's been very mischievous. He always tries to grab my glasses. He rarely succeeds. Well today, he was staring at me intently and then grabbed them all of sudden at lightning speed. He snatched them off my face and then started laughing hysterically.

Just now as I was feeding him in the kitchen, he grabbed the spoon from me, spilled the food everywhere and laughed like it was the funniest thing he'd ever done. When I laughed too, he laughed even harder.

These are the things that make all the sleep-deprivation work it. Keep up the charming, little Dori, keep it up. Maybe I won't put you up for adoption after all.

Teething & Blisters

Bad night last night, very bad. Mama is so tired. But you can go to her blog for excessive complaining. Crockbaby is now a happy blog!

This morning, Dorian has a swollen blue blister on the gums where one of the teeth is coming in. Totally normal with teething babies, but blood blisters can be painful. So I am sure that is why he was up last night. The good news is that both the front teeth are sooooo close to coming through. You can feel the one on the left poking through the gums. The one on the right has the blister. I wish he would take the cold compresses and frozen toys I give him to chew on, but he just wants to bite my nipples! Monster.

Once these teeth come through, we'll give him a couple days to settle and then resume the dreaded sleep training. With a vengeance. I am going to make James cancel his week-end gigs if he has to. ;) Chain him to Dorian's room and seal his eyes open so he can't sleep...make him listen to the horrible sounds of our baby crying nonstop. It's his turn for a little sleep-deprivation! Oh wait, sorry this is a happy blog. I forgot.

Sleep training will work next time around. It just has to.

At last!!!

PICTURES!*













*A big thank you to our photographer, Annie.

Pictures A-Coming!

Still no sign of my camera (Jess mailed it on Tuesday, but you know how USPS can be). Luckily, I'm seeing my friend Annie tomorrow who is eager to do a photo shoot with her new camera (her words) so expect some pictures of the little guy this week-end. He is sooooooo cute!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sleep training again....

I started it last night as there is less than one week before James gets home and I start nursing school. I am doing modified sleep training (ie pulling him into bed eventually if it gets to be too much). Don't even tell me it's not consistent. You try caring for a baby on your own for a month with no sleep. You do what you have to do. He did fairly well last night...slept for 7 hours (woke up a couple times crying but not for too long). I then pulled him into bed, nursed him, he slept for 2 more, nursed, then slept for 2 more. Not bad. I'll take it! He's also been going down easier for naps the past few days and sleeping longer. Oh, please say he's getting it!!!

Becoming a Better Kelly

I have decided to start my own personal blog. I realized I do a lot of complaining on this blog and some of you may not come here for that. You want pictures and updates on Dorian...this is his blog!

You can now visit Becoming a Better Kelly for your daily dose of complaints.

Don't worry, I will still aim to post to this blog as often as possible. It will not be as often as before (since I'll be in nursing school), but I will push James to take pictures when he is with Dorian and we'll post them on the week-ends. Maybe James will even become more involved in this blog. And pigs will fly too!

We're home...

Poor little Dori got fussier as yesterday wore on and slept horribly last night (the second night in a row of truly awful sleep - up every half hour). He was a little crank monster this morning too. I decided it best to stick with my original plan (the plane ticket was for today; last week I thought perhaps I would extend the trip). Dori has two new teeth (the top lateral incisors) and I think the top central incisors are coming in too. The broke through in reverse (normally babies get the central ones first) - we were kind of hoping the central ones didn't come in for awhile because it would look like he had fangs on top! Poor little teething guy. Plus I think he was actually really homesick and obviously his routine was off so he was all out of sorts. We got home and he immediately started smiling and playing his piano and with his blocks. When we went into his bedroom for bedtime he started chatting away excitedly while reaching for his familiar ball and stuffed duck and looking at his books. It was very sweet.

Of all the things to leave in San Diego???? My digital camera! ARGH! Jessica is going to mail it to me tomorrow and hopefully forward me the pictures she took on her camera so I can post some this week! More tomorrow...

San Diego, part 1

Our trip is going well. Juleane picked us up at the airport on Thursday and we drove through downtown San Diego and past the ocean. Both were stunning. There's a real Mediterranean feel to downtown San Diego, at least the part I saw. I can not believe we're still in the same state - everything is so completely different to the Bay Area. We stayed with Juleane in a brand spanking new suburb for a couple days. I have never experienced life in the suburbs before and it was a total trip to me...more on this later. I think it deserves a whole blog...if you've seen the show "Weeds," that's exactly like the neighborhood I just stayed in. It was surreal. I also saw Pacific Beach yesterday, as I joined Juleane on her birthday pub crawl - they even let us bring the baby in the bar! Pacific Beach looks a lot like Isla Vista (the student town near UCSB, where I attended college). It brought me right back...so weird to be there with my own baby though.

We arrived at Jessica's parents' ranch last night. Wow, talk about different and very cool. Total change from Juleane's house so I am experiencing two very different sides of San Diego living. First off, I saw a tarantula last night!!!!!!!! EEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKK! Big, fat, hairy spider. BIG. Effing big. It was climbing up the screen door in the living room (on the outside). Then, Jessica's sister saw another one in the garage! Yeah, it took me hours to fall asleep because I was thinking about tarantulas. And I'm not even a person who is that scared of spiders. Not like Hannah, my sister-in-law. :) Apparently, there are rattlesnakes, coyotes, bobcats, lizards and frogs around too. The view is stunning - the backyard looks out over the mountains. I'll post more on this later too, including pictures.

It is is very, very hot here and even humid. Not my kind of weather at all. I didn't pack the right kind of clothes. I've worn the same tank top and skirt since I arrived! But it is so nice to get away and see my friends and have a change in scenery. As mentioned, I'll definitely post more when we arrive home, which will probably be Wednesday, though I'm not sure - could be Tuesday, could be Thursday. If I see any more tarantulas, I may come home tonight!

Dorian is doing great, by the way. He was awesome the first 2 days (and on the trip down). A bit fussy yesterday and today so far but I think those killer teeth are coming to get him. He is charming everyone though. I don't think he could possibly be any cuter.

Internet Access

So I won't be online again until Sunday. OMG, whatever will I do? I think I'll experience major withdrawal! Seriously. I am sooooo addicted. My friend Juleane just moved house and doesn't have it set up yet. She does have a swimming pool and a TV with cable (a real luxury since we don't have any of those things) so I guess we'll survive. Mini-blog to come on Sunday!

Sleep, oh sleep...

Is it totally a thing of my past??? Dorian has been awake now for over an hour. I couldn't take it anymore and put him back in his crib. And now, of course, the screaming baby is keeping me from sleeping. He has been sleeping horribly for the past week. Just horribly. But tonight takes the cake...it's like he's decided it's morning and time to get up. Ridiculous.

I'm also freaking out because we had some man come to our house earlier looking for a motel room (he said he thought this was a motel). I hate being home alone. This neighborhood really creeps me out sometimes. When James and I have more money, we want to get a burglar alarm and all the bells and whistles put on our apartment. Or better yet, buy a house in a nice neighborhood! I love our apartment and even though the neighborhood has improved vastly from when I grew up here, it still has a definite shady factor at times. And my parents' dog is useless since the other dog died. Poor girl.

This sleepless night would happen the day before I have to travel alone with a baby. Great. Just great.

2 weeks left...

Oh my god, I start nursing school in less than 2 weeks. I am terrified. I had planned on cracking the books this summer but yeah right. Single moms don't have time to read textbooks!

Dori and I are off to San Diego tomorrow for a week to stay with my college roommate Juleane and my good friend Jessica (of Crockbaby commenting fame - "jessierose129"). I am very excited to get out of the house and to have built-in babysitters for a week. I will try to blog at least once or twice while away.

Here are some of my fave pictures taken of Dori this past week (that haven't already been posted obviously)...

Nature boy.
Dori's proud of his grandpa.
The bathtime photos never get old.
Gifted, reading boy. I just don't give up, do I?
Love this shot. Don't know what's going on here.
Look how insanely big Dori has gotten!!!
Could he be any happier?
Cutie-pie.
Why so sad?
Cheerios!
He can feed himself!
And bite his hand.
Ouch, that kinda hurt!

Messes

Let's take a vote...gifted or not?

Wow, oh wow. Dorian just continues to prove how smart he is as each day passes. Today? I took off his diaper for some naked booty time. He was diaper-free for about 45 minutes before deciding to take a crawl into the bathroom. I followed behind him and what should I see????? Dorian pulled himself up on the toilet (the lid is kept down a la baby proof fashion) and peed all over the base of it!!!!!!!!! He hadn't peed since his diaper had been off and the first thing he does when going into the bathroom is pee? With purpose. Tell me this isn't a gifted child. No seriously, I dare you. I have set up an (anonymous) poll to the left of this post.

Let's review the facts:

1. He's already talking and he's not even 10 months old.
2. He's ready to use the grown-up toilet. No more diapers. Though to be fair, he could have tried to lift the seat up. But then again, I guess he sees his Dad pee all over the base of it and just assumes that's how it's done.
3. He reads books happily on his own for a half hour or more at a time.
4. He is completely content finding things to do and amusing himself.
5. He diligently works on things; he's very task-oriented and determined.
6. He plays piano, mandolin, guitar and drums already. He sings too!
7. He is so close to walking and once again people, he's not even 10 months old!
8. He refuses to sleep...there's too much to learn!

There are a trillion other facts proving his "giftedness" (yes, I know, I'm not gifted), but I would clog up the internet (that's right, the whole internet) if I listed them all.

Playdate

On Friday afternoon, Dorian and I took BART to Habitot. What a great little place for kids. Be sure to check it out if you live in the Bay Area. Like the Oakland Zoo, they offer yearly memberships for a very low price; if James likes Habitot as much as I did, we'll probably do this. We must find more activities for Dori to do now that he's talking, almost walking and interested in everything! Anyway, on Friday, Dori and I met up with my friend Pat, from my new moms' group, and her son Dashiell. Dori and Dash actually share the same birthday and are the two youngest of the babies in our moms' group (Dorian wins by a few hours). It was so fun to see the boys finally start interacting!

Boys and girls.
Hey Dash, that's my mama's wallet!!!
This place is fun!
What should we do next, Dash?

Ooh, I see something else to go play with!
Whatcha got there, Dash?
Can I have it?
Gee whiz, I found my own!
I love puzzles.
Are you sure these are carrots, Mama? I thought carrots were a bright orange paste.
The journey home...
So much to see!
Dori was fascinated by everything moving past.
We're going to take BART more often if he's this mesmerized!
He never falls asleep on route anymore! His playdate wore him out.

FIRST WORD!!!!

Dorian's first word is definitely "more!!!!!" I just took a walk with Dorian to go get a smoothie (my dad returned with the stroller in the car, woohoo!). I made sure to special order it so he could eat it (the ingredients included plain, unsweetened frozen yogurt, peaches and fresh mango juice). I gave him a couple bites. He loved it! I then had some. He started flapping his arms and making grunting noises and then he said "more" and opened his mouth. I said "More?" and gave him some. This happened 5 times (though by the 5th time he didn't bother flapping his arms or grunting). It is priceless...it sounds like "Moh." He looks way too little to be speaking. I'll try to get it on video at dinnertime (not that I can put it up on the blog - my laptop doesn't hook up to the video camera).

Anyway, on the walk home, Dori was eating a teething cracker in the stroller. He took it out of his mouth for awhile and was holding on to it. Then he said "More" and stuck it back in his mouth!!!!!!!!! SO CUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

People, this is a 9.5 month old baby. Gifted, I tell you, gifted! AND he figured out how to crawl up the huge staircase in the hall the other day, and he can now do it quickly and easily. Time for baby gates!

Housebound

I am feeling super housebound because I don't have a car. Well, my brother and I actually share a car but it has been in a shop in Northern California since mid-June when it blew a head gasket on our way up to the Father's Day Bluegrass Festival. It's a 1984 Toyota and apparently, they don't make some of the parts anymore. My dad (our resident mechanic and car-maintainer) finally found the right part in a junkyard and then the owner of the shop broke his collarbone and can't work at the moment. It's too costly to have the car towed down here. My brother has a motorscooter but I don't really have another means of transport. I can't afford to buy my own car right now because I'm going to school for the next two years. My brother and I have worked it out so I can take the car to class and he'll use it the rest of the time (he drives his motorscooter to work anyway so he doesn't have to pay for parking). The other vehicles in the family (VW camper, Ford truck and two Volvos) are either stick shift or the carseat doesn't work in them. And yes, James owns a car (one of the Volvos) and he's not here right now so I could be driving it...if it weren't stick shift as well. I have tried a million and one times to learn how to drive it and I just can't. I am semi-okay until we get to hills and then the car rolls backwards and refuses to go forward and then I have a panic attack and James gets frustrated with me and I start crying and James has to drive us home and then the lesson is over and neither of us are talking to one another. My dad has tried to teach me too, as has James' father. There's no way I'm shelling out $180 for a 2-hour lesson at one of the local driving schools and quite frankly, I think I'm over trying to learn now anyway. All cars should be automatic...what the eff is the point of stick shift???? I saw a pretty nasty accident (we're talking body parts all over the road, really gruesome) in 2001. Since then, I've been rather wary around cars anyway, even automatic ones. I mean, I drive and all but I am probably a more cautious driver than most. So, I think we'll leave it.

Anyway, back to the point of this post. The point is that I'm feeling housebound without a car. Quite often it's okay, because I love long walks. So when Dorian is in a good mood and cooperating we just walk a half hour to the store or the BART (subway) station. I was going to do just that this morning. But the stroller is gone!!!! I realized my mom must have left it in the car when she babysat yesterday and my parents are out today. ARGH!!!! We have a running stroller but not only does Dorian not like it (still!), the basket on the bottom is way too small to hold any groceries. So, we will play on his piano for the billionth time and perhaps rip up some paper and chew on some wooden spoons. Poor little guy. He must think I'm punishing him for something. When Daddy is home, we go on all these fun trips. But when I'm watching him, I suck the life out of him. Dorian is going to be so ready for James to take over full-time parenting. Actually, maybe this isn't a bad thing. I think I'll make a point of boring him for the next 2 and a half weeks. Then maybe he won't miss me at all while I'm gone every day!

Sleepless in Babyland

Be warned: the below post contains language you may not feel comfortable with. It's my blog.

I was bad. The past 2 nights, I've ended up pulling Dorian into bed with me. And so ends Sleep Training Session #3,064. I can't do it on my own. I tried. I really did. I did it for almost a week on my own!!! Dorian has majorly regressed...the past 4 nights have been hell. I am fucking exhausted. If I don't get some sleep, I am going to die. You think I'm kidding, but I'm serious. I am sure being on your deathbed feels like this. Plus, Dorian and I are flying to San Diego next week for 5 days so his whole sleep schedule and routine is going to be off anyway. That terrifies me too...I was so exited to visit my old college roommate Juleane and my friend Jessica but what if I'm so tired, I can't enjoy the trip? Also, it is so unfortunate...James doesn't get back until the day I start nursing school. We'll have to restart sleep training all over again and it will be while I'm in school. Damn it!!!! I'm horrendously stressed and scared enough about starting nursing school as it is, I REALLY didn't want to have to sleep train the baby as well. Did you know if I get under 75% on any exam, I'll be kicked out of the program??? How's that for stress-inducing??? I am freaking terrified.

And if one more person tells me to "Stay strong," "Hold it together," "Stiff upper lip," etc, etc, etc, I WILL FUCKING SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am holding it together. This blog is a place for me to vent. If I really felt I couldn't cope, I'd go out and hire a babysitter, money or no money. This just sucks. I can't say I'm happy. I don't know how single parents do it 24/7, I really don't. And before you comment about James being away so much, it is his job. HIS JOB. I want him to be in the band. He stays in the band. If Dorian isn't sleeping by next summer, I'll hire help. It makes me so sad that Dorian doesn't sleep. I worry that people think I'm incompetent for not being able to take care of a baby on my own without complaining. Does everyone understand that you can barely lift a fork to your mouth or go to the bathroom if you're this sleep-deprived? Seriously. I can't think. All those plans to read nursing textbooks this summer? Ha. Yeah right, even when I do have the time to open them, I sure as hell can't focus or comprehend what I'm reading. Am I going to fail out of school in the fall? I now see why sleep-deprivation is used as a form of torture. I think I would rather have a raging bladder infection, migraine headache and full-blown panic attack while going through childbirth than be this sleep-deprived.