Stepping Down

I am officially passing this blog on to James. I may make guest appearances every now and then, but if you want Dori updates, pester Mr. Dad! I start my Accelerated (12 month) Bachelor of Science in Nursing program tomorrow morning. I hope to update my personal blog more than I have been lately - I know a lot of you are going to want updates on school so I'll do my best. However, I've said it before and I'll say it again, Facebook is the best way to keep up with my news (I'm a status update junkie!) and keep in touch with me now. If you want to be my friend on Facebook, look up Kelly Crocker (there are 56 of us but if you specify "East Bay" network, I'm the only one who comes up). See you all in a year!

Family Portrait

sleeping update

Obviously there has been a lot about sleep on this blog. It is the one area where Dori isn't 'The Most Perfect Baby In The World'. Of course, if he slept like a baby (oh, the irony of that phrase!) we'd have trouble getting him to eat, he'd be antisocial, he'd still be crawling, or something else would fill the void. But with D it's sleep. The worst part is that when he doesn't sleep, neither do we. Actually, Kel has it worse; I'm a deeper sleeper and can ignore some of the low-level screaming. But we wouldn't have gone hungry had Dor resisted solid foods and I know I would have continued to walk upright had he remained carpet bound. His sleepless night is our sleepless night and it affects everything. That's why so many of our blogs, facebook updates and conversations involve napping schedules and different sleep strategies; it's such a big part of our lives as well as Dori's.

So, I am happy to report great progress. Last night he went to sleep at 6:15pm, woke at 4:50am and (once I'd led him back to his bed) slept on until 7am. When he woke he started singing in bed - very cute. When he finally climbed out to come and get us he was in a great mood. The best news? This isn't a one-off! Last week he slept in his own bed almost every night. He went to sleep easily and when he did walk to our room I led him back to bed (with what I call the 'bad date' method: no eye contact, no inflection in my voice, no physical contact), he resumed sleep immediately. The only problems we've had are when Kel tries to put him down. For some reason he plays her up. She has to lead him back over and over for 90+ minutes before he'll fall asleep. With me it's been once or twice and no crying. So I'm on sleep duty from now on. If we can get D to stay asleep to 7am every day we'll all be singing in the mornings.

Mother's Day

Blog City!

This is the sixth, yes SIXTH, blog I've posted tonight so be sure to keep scrolling down after each of the below blogs to get your full Dori fix. LOTS OF PICTURES! I will post a blog with the remaining pictures from Jenny and Grae's visit sometime this week - then we will finally be caught up. I fell behind while working during tax season, then I was too exhausted while James was gone to properly blog. I hate not keeping my readers happy. I start nursing school in less than 3 weeks - James is going to have to take over. I told him this and he said, "Maybe I'll just delete the blog." (I won't let that happen.)

Daddy is Home

James returned home on Sunday and it was wonderful - Dorian remembered him and the boys played for hours. Lots of cuddles and giggles. Of course, Mama had to take lots of pictures of the sweet event! It's amazing how those boys look so much alike - if Dori didn't have my coloring, you wouldn't know we were related. I love how in all the pictures, they even have the exact same expression on their faces!





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Dorian At His Finest

Social Butterfly

We have made so many local friends through Dorian. Dorian has playdates every few days! And of course, he still loves meeting up with all his friends at Gymboree.

Easter

We had a lovely Easter. I prepared an Easter basket for Dorian - he was very excited to find it when he awoke that morning. He even forgot about breakfast for a few minutes (this has NEVER happened before - that boy is desperate to eat when he first awakes in the morning). Later on that morning, at a more reasonable hour, our friends and neighbors Esther and Adan came over with their 20 month old son Joa, my Grandma and Uncle Tom stopped by, and my parents and James' parents were there as well. We had a traditional Easter meal of pork buns and honey buns from Chinatown, Noah's bagels with cream cheese, fresh strawberries, Hershey's kisses and Cadbury creme eggs. We washed everything down with mimosas...I have no idea how many bottles of champagne we went through that day but it was pretty impressive. The boys went on an Easter egg hunt in the garden. It was so sweet to watch them both find the eggs. Dori loved it! I wasn't sure he would "get it" but he caught on right away. It was a lovely day!

Dorian has bonded!

He has a favorite stuffed animal - finally! It is a little owl my mother bought him. He loves to poke it in the eyes and say "Eye, eye!" He also makes him fly through the air and he says "Peep, peep, peep, peep." He doesn't quite get it's not a baby duckling. He also feeds the owl and likes having him for company at his dining table...have a look!

Warning: Rambling Post Ahead

I will post loads of pictures within the next couple days, but first, can I just say how excited I am for James to return home tomorrow? Oh my god, I can not wait. This has been the hardest separation by far. Dorian is just such a handful (delightful as he is) and it really is impossible for one person to take care of him 24/7. At least if that person wants to keep their sanity. He is sleeping so much better now, but the first week James was gone and after his parents went back to England, I thought I was going to die. No, seriously. I was so fucking tired. I was almost back to the exhaustion breakdown point I reached after our Christmas England trip and then illness city in January. Luckily, I didn't lose massive quantities of weight or get sick this time (no Swine Flu here!) After a few days of practically having a nervous breakdown each day, my mother stepped in and took over (I'm sure she would have stepped up sooner but I wanted to try to do everything on my own - I feel like a bad mother when I don't). She went back to her old routine of putting Dorian to bed in his bed and then leading him back to his room every time he got up and sternly telling him to stay in bed. We did this about 2 months ago and since then Dorian's sleeping had improved. I think Jen and Grae's visit (and a 3 day trip away), our trip to Bakersfield, and then James leaving really threw off Dorian's sleep schedule again. That boy needs routine like I need chocolate. Plus, he REALLY knows how to play me. He knows I'll eventually crack and let him come into bed with me. I couldn't survive if I didn't do that. Anyway, back to my mom...so she put Dorian to bed and down for naps for about 4 days in a row. The change was remarkable. He has been taking naps every day for the past week or so. Long ones. Going down easily without crying. Staying in his bed. Talking to himself until he falls asleep. Happy when he wakes. No temper tantrums during the day. He's been going down easily for bed. Not quite as many mid-night wake-ups (only 2-4 versus 6-8 we had that first week) and the last few mornings (except for this morning) he slept until 5:30am! He had been waking by 4am every day.

I know some people think I complain too much about Dorian's sleep (I had to drop some Facebook "friends" recently because they told me as much and I refuse to remain "friends" with people who don't support me emotionally). But truly, this kid just doesn't sleep sometimes. I am not exaggerating. I can survive on 5 hours of sleep a night. I'm not asking for 8 solid hours. But this kid was giving me 3-4 broken hours of sleep if I was lucky. And no naps. And then being a major pain in the butt during the day. I was exhausted. Sleep deprivation is horrendous. I am feeling much better now, but boy, I hope he doesn't regress to that point again (particularly while I'm in the intensive nursing program which starts in 3 weeks!) I hate feeling like a pessimistic complainer who can't function or enjoy her child's development. It's awful. But when you're that sleep-deprived, the only thing you can do is focus on not killing yourself or your child (I don't mean by suicide or murder - I just mean by not crashing your car, trying to stay awake enough to make sure your child doesn't stick his fingers in a socket, trying to feed yourself and your child, etc). It is really, really hard and I can see how parents end up having breakdowns or worse. I was *this* close. Truly. Thank goodness I have my parents and a wonderful group of friends. My mom helped out with bedtimes and naptimes for several days. My parents took Dorian on some outings each week-end. My friend Kate took Dorian three weekdays for me so I could sleep (I could not have survived this tour without her - she also got Dori to nap the days he was with her). My friends Nathalie and Wellington watched Dorian one morning so I could run, and my friend Renee watched Dorian another morning so I could run some errands. I am very, very lucky to have such a fabulous support system. Anyway, I know this has been rambling and this isn't even supposed to be my complaining blog anymore but I thought it had been awhile since we posted a sleep update on this blog. Fingers crossed...we really have turned a corner over the past week! When James returns home, we're going to work on getting Dori to stay in HIS bed all night long. I think part of the reason he wakes is because I roll over or whatever in my sleep, and wake him. Or he wakes because he knows I'm there and will cuddle him and hold him close if he cries. I know we need him out of our bed for sleep's sake, but I must admit, there is a part of me that will sorely miss cuddling him as we sleep. I love that boy so much. And I love my husband and can't wait to see him tomorrow (and not just so he can do Dori-duty for the next few weeks).