FAQ's

Wow, CrockBaby has been up on the web for less than 48 hours and I have already been hit with numerous questions! For you newcomers, stop reading now and scroll all the way to the bottom of this site. The most recent postings appear at the top of the site. Work your way up before taking a bite of this FAQ section.

Just so people know, there is a comments portion to this blog. Just click underneath each posting where it says "0 Comments," "1 Comments," etc. Still, I suppose some of you were being discreet by emailing me since you may have thought the questions were personal. Nothing is personal - I started this blog to share this experience with our family and friends who are not in the Bay Area. I want everyone who wants to be involved to have the chance to be involved, regardless of whether they live in England, Switzerland, Australia or Mars. This child is going to be the most loved child in the world if I have anything to do with it! I am completely open about everything so here are answers to the 2 day old blog's FAQ's:

Why did you decide to have a baby now when you are working toward a nursing degree?

We decided to have a baby now because I am working toward a nursing degree. It was either now or in 4-5 years. I am currently finishing up my prerequisites for nursing school. I then need to attend a 2 year nursing program, followed by 2 full years of employment in order to take full advantage of hospital loan forgiveness programs. There is such a huge shortage of nurses in the US that most hospitals offer to pay off a substantial portion of your nursing school tuition/student loan if you work with them for approximately 2 years following your passing of the nurse exam. There would be no time to have a baby half way through nursing school or before starting employment. It was now or in 5 years and neither of us wanted to wait that long! We have seriously been thinking about kids since our nephew Rowan made his debut so were ecstatic that my career decision "forced" us into early parenthood.

When are you going to start nursing school?

I will finish my prerequisites by mid-August. I plan to apply for nursing school for Fall 2008 or Spring 2009. I will go to school full-time for 2 years and then become a nurse at age 30, almost the exact same age my mother was when she became a licensed nurse!

So you're going to be a stay-at-home mom for the next year?

Yes, although I hope to stay with my job (at an accounting firm) on a part-time basis. Their main office is relocating this summer and it will not be feasible for me to commute, with or without child. There has been discussion of me telecommuting and working out of the soon-to-be much smaller San Francisco office. If that works out, I will definitely continue to work approximately 20 hours a week through 2008. Regardless of what happens with my job, James will continue to gig and tour with Tempest in addition to teaching guitar lessons. He can be the stay-at-home parent for the second child when I am making the big nursing bucks.

How come you are just at the end of the first trimester and you have already had 3 ultrasounds? Does the US provide this for all pregnant women?

The latter is my favorite question. Ha, as if! The state of US healthcare plans are horrible! I am actually super lucky to have really great insurance through my job, even though I now only work part-time. Most pregnant women in the US get 1 ultrasound toward the end of their first trimester, 1 ultrasound at 20 weeks to determine the gender, and 1 ultrasound toward the end of pregnancy to determine the positioning of the baby (for delivery). However, if one has fertility issues or a history of miscarriage, most doctors will give you free run of the ultrasound machine (providing your health insurance cover the procedures as they are too expensive for most people to afford on their own). I had a blighted ovum last summer, which is officially a type of miscarriage. I think this is misleading though because the embryo was never there and I never miscarried anything. The gestational sac formed and my body thought I was pregnant. I had major pregnancy symptoms, all my blood and urine tests were positive and there was no reason to think I was not pregnant. We were so excited! We went in for our first ultrasound at 9.5 weeks and got kicked in the teeth. Miscarriage had never even crossed our minds because I felt so pregnant! However, the ultrasound showed an empty sac dating about 7 weeks in size. No embryo had ever formed. What a cruel trick for nature to play on two naive, extremely excited people! I had a Dilatation & Curettage procedure to clear everything out of my uterus because otherwise my body could have gone on thinking I was pregnant for weeks. It was physically painful, but more emotionally painful than anything. We felt very depressed for about a month and then we both realized that it just wasn't the right time for us. We actually decided to wait a few months before trying because I still felt torn up about it and just didn't feel like going for it again at that time. As it turns out, the timing now is so much better in terms of finances, my career plans, James' band's touring schedule, hopefully being able to visit the family in England at Christmas with a newborn, etc, etc, etc. Things do happen for a reason. Still, I wouldn't wish a miscarriage on anyone because it is truly one of the toughest things someone can go through. And you know what really bothers me? Miscarriages are incredibly common and yet no one talks about them! I refuse to keep mine a secret. It is a huge part of my past. Why shouldn't I talk about it? I feel like it is such a taboo to disclose that you have had one. It's how mental illness used to be brushed under the table in this country. I don't get it. More than 25% of confirmed pregnancies end in miscarriage. Most women who try to conceive experience at least one in their lifetime. 90% of women who miscarry will go on to have a perfectly uneventful second pregnancy. Miscarriages are nature's way of aborting embryos with chromosomal abnormalities. It's science! Ok, I'll stop ranting now. It just really infuriates me that there seems to be a "stigma" attached to miscarriage. If anyone has more questions about mine, I am more than happy to share! I will say this, having the miscarriage made me super paranoid throughout the first part of this pregnancy. During my last pregnancy, I ate quite healthy but that was pretty much it. This time I stopped dying my hair, have been eating all organic, avoiding artifical colors and additives, making sure I get enough calcium and protein each day, cooking with non-Teflon or Aluminum pans, avoiding make-up and any toiletries with chemicals that have proven to be carcinogenic is some studies, washing our clothes with organic detergent, stopped dry cleaning clothes, and more. Even after seeing a healthy heartbeat at 6w5d, I still jumped at every cramp, fearing the worst. It was only after my doctor told us this week that our chances of miscarrying at this point were much less than 1% that I finally felt like the pregnancy was real and that this was really going to happen for us. I now see that having my miscarriage was a good thing, not just in terms of timing, but because this pregnancy is all the more special and precious to us.

I think that's enough question answering now. I really need to crack on and do some schoolwork! I will leave you with a couple pictures of the people who truly inspired us to have children of our own...our nephews, Ro Ro and Joshy.