Thursday, March 20, 2008

Downer Post

Right, so my mom requested a Crockbaby update last night. Here you go, Mom, now you can see why I've been holding off writing! Nothing really good to write about! Our camera broke last week so no pictures (we've been taking pictures on our phones and on the video camera but I don't know how to upload those to the blog). James is super-busy at the moment - we'll try to remedy the picture issue this week-end. I woke up today after 3-4 hours of broken sleep and realize I feel very, very tired again. I somehow managed to get back on track after that horrible week about a month ago but I am feeling run-down again. I am also feeling so out of shape and quite down about it. I am dying to get back into shape but don't have the energy to do cardio and all I seem to want to eat right now is chocolate and sweets. It is the nursing and fatigue, I'm sure. Other moms have told me they're craving the same things - seriously, the cravings are so strong it is bizarre. So I guess it's going to be a few more months of being a lumpy, lethargic Kelly. Who just got a bad haircut. The one time I leave Dorian to go do something for myself, it ends in disaster! It is too short again. I needed it trimmed because I hadn't gotten it cut in almost a year, but the split ends were up to my chin practically. I wanted all of them cut off, but now I feel like I am back to square one again with my hair. I have been trying to grow it out for over a year now. Anyway, enough about me. Poor James is sick right now and still has to work. I feel really bad for him, especially because I don't have the energy to fawn all over him like a good wife should. Dorian has just gotten over a cold. We stopped the sleep training because Dorian was sick. I tried to start it up again today and it was like back to the beginning again. I'm not doing it. I can't bear to hear him cry anymore. I refuse to do it. I don't care if it works in the end - letting your baby cry it out goes against everything I believe is right and feel is necessary. I'm not doing it. It is so frustrating to have a baby who won't sleep. I am lucky if I get 2 hour stretches at night. He doesn't even have a long stretch at the beginning anymore. And don't get me started on his naps. He did have a 1.25 hour nap the other day but only short ones since. He is a very happy baby though, so his sleep habits obviously work for him. He does not fuss very much anymore. He smiles and laughs A LOT. Very cute.

I am starting to get worried because James leaves in a week for a month-long tour with Tempest. I will get to experience single-parenthood and quite frankly, it terrifies me. Whenever I thought about it over the past few months, I thought "Piece of cake." But since I have a baby who does not sleep (meaning I'm exhausted) and I must get work done from home (and it will be the busiest month - taxes are due April 15), I am not looking forward to it. Luckily, I do have my parents (though my mom is incredibly busy herself), friends and baby experts (Cindy and Kate in particular!) and the moms in my mom's group. I still don't feel comfortable leaving Dorian alone with anyone for more than an hour or so, but perhaps people will come over or allow me to come over to their house while they watch him for a couple of hours. At least long enough for me to get a shower once or twice a week, and do some work on my laptop! Anyway, enough complaining. I apologize. We're all rundown around here. Send good thoughts James' way...he has to work today, tomorrow and Saturday (and can't miss it) so poor him has to push on. Life with a baby! Little germ factories, they are.

In more positive news, Dorian went 5 hours the other day without feeding!!!!!!!! Then he ate 3 times over the next 1.5 hours to make up for it. Usually he goes 2-3 hours during the day without eating, which is big progress. Still every 1-2 at night though. Baby steps. Baby steps. Please don't take this post too seriously - it feels good to let it all out. Dorian is still THE CUTEST BABY EVER and we love him so much. Every day is like Christmas with him. I wouldn't change anything. I just feel very tired right now and when I have a moment to myself, it really hits me. Just felt like sharing.

2 comments:

Momily said...

Thanks for sharing with the crockbaby fans. It's always cathartic to vent and get it all out.

The one constant with babies is that they are ever-changing. Dorian will come around on the sleeping front, but it's going to take time. Enjoy the playful smiles and fun baby moments. I'd love to come babysit for you, but I'm a bit swamped myself :-)

Maybe after the 15th?

Anonymous said...

So sorry to hear you and James aren't feeling well. Good that Dori has gotten over it, but not so good that you aren't feeling top notch and he is and that makes things difficult.

I have this theory; children have so much energy because they somehow suck it out of their parents.

Don't feel bad about a downer post; stuff happens and not all of it is fun and games.