Coming home...

We had a wonderful Christmas week, despite all the illness. We are now starting to feel normal again, though both James and I are still coughing a bit and feeling very fatigued. Dorian is doing great...he has had a growth spurt the past few days and has been eating nonstop! He also started drooling like crazy today and keeps gnawing on my finger. Is he already getting teeth??? Plenty of pictures and video clips to come upon our return. We leave for Heathrow in 3 hours. It's been quite the trip. See you all again from Bloggerville, California!

I'll leave you with a photo of the family out for our Christmas Eve walk...

Christmas week

Our holiday pictures are saved on the desktop computer here, which does not want to cooperate at the moment. Don’t panic, the pictures are safe, I just can’t access them right now! I will include some pictures of James' village and Dartmoor throughout this blog. I love all the history!

Pictures of the surrounding countryside (Dartmoor National Park)


Dorian is doing sooooo much better. The past couple mornings he has hacked and hacked, obviously trying to get gunk out of his chest. James and I spent about an hour each morning in the bathroom with the hot shower running to allow the steam to break up some of that gunk. Poor little guy. I know he doesn’t really have feelings yet – he’s mostly a machine with built-in reflexes – but it is horrible to hear him scream while trying to cough the stuff up. Still, his health is improving by the hour and I am so thankful for antibiotics. What happened to newborns who got this sick before antibiotics? I dread to think.

In other news, James and I have been very sick since Friday. Our colds became much worse over the week-end, complete with fever, extremely sore throat, aches and pains and the worst cough in the world. James is feeling better today, but I am still feeling like I’ve been hit by a truck. I am so hoarse, it’s funny I suppose. Jen and Grae are now sick too, though they keep insisting they’re fine! It’s the British way, you know? Stiff upper lip, chin up, soldier on! It’s so unfortunate that we have now spent over a week dealing with illness on our 3 week trip. James had to cancel a night out with his close friends this week-end and we have not seen his sister Han, her husband Phil or our nephews Ro and Josh as much as we had hoped.

We drugged ourselves up (James more than me since I’m breastfeeding) and managed to make it up to Bristol to see James’ close friend James Hanlon and his wife Sarah. Their 7 week old baby girl Erin Rose has already had the cold so they were not worried about her catching it. We also made it over to see Kath and Sean (James’ former Equation bandmates) and their 6 month old twin girls Poppy and Lily. Yesterday was the open house day Jen and Grae planned for Dorian. Dozens and dozens of people from their village came to see us. Dorian was held by at least 15 people and did great! He is a little charmer alright.

Dorian finally got over his jetlag on Friday and, boy did he! The past 2 nights he has slept for 10 hours!!!! He woke up to feed both nights after about 6 hours and then fell asleep again for another 4. SUCCESS! Of course, James and I haven’t been sleeping because we’ve been coughing so much, but at least we haven’t had to deal with the baby at the same time. I hope Dori’s jetlag on the way back doesn’t take as long (2 weeks) to beat. Even if it does, at least we know he can do the long sleeps! He is also feeding much more efficiently – his sessions in the middle of the night take about 10-15 minutes. When I pump my milk now, it literally GUSHES into the bag so I know that something has changed. We still don’t have Dori on the bottle yet, but we continue to persevere. What a challenge this has turned into!

At 1pm today, we are going for a Christmas Eve walk with James’ immediate family (Jen, Grae, Han, Phil and the boys) – it is a family tradition. Tonight we’re off to the village pub – another family tradition.

Bridestowe’s White Hart, built in the 16th century
I will probably pop over to the village church for a midnight service with Jen, just for the full English Christmas experience. James refuses to go – he has never been and is not about to start now. I remember going to the service the first time I visited Devon and it was a barrel of laughs – we sang Christmas carols and laughed at the drunk vicar!

Bridestowe’s Parish Church, the third on the site – the present church was completed in 1450
We will celebrate Christmas day with Jen, Grae, Han, Phil and the boys. On Boxing Day (December 26), we will have Grae’s brother and sister and her family over. Finally, on December 27th, Jen’s 2 sisters and brother and their families will come over (more than 20 people!) On Friday the 28th, we will pack up and then leave at 3am for Heathrow. I will try to post again before we return to the US, but you can expect a couple of long blogs with photos and videos some time upon our return. You’re not going to recognize Dorian – he is so big and his face is incredibly expressive now. His personality is really starting to shine.

Thanks to everyone for your thoughts and messages while we’ve been ill. We hope you all have a wonderful holiday week. Enjoy every minute! Love to you all.

Poor little sick baby

Yesterday was the worst day of my life. Dorian was so sick. We had a really tough night again on Wednesday night - lots of coughing, gagging, screaming when coughing. Everyone still thought it was just a cold but I started to doubt this when we began hearing constant rattling noises in his chest. He also became so pale and threw up A LOT of milk after one of his coughing fits. Then came the deep sleep and fever - almost 101 degrees (anything over 100.5 in a newborn is considered potentially dangerous and you are urged to go see a doctor). So off we went to Okehampton Medical Center, about 15 minutes from James' parents' house. I was very impressed - I wasn't expecting much for a small country town hospital. They got us in to see a doctor within 5 minutes of arriving and she was amazing. Dorian's cold had spread to his chest so he was prescribed a 5 day course of antibiotics and Paracetamol (acetaminophen aka Tylenol) to lower the fever. After 24 hours on the meds, he is a completely different baby. He is still coughing, but seems so much calmer and happier. He was MISERABLE yesterday and last night. And so was I. I am so relieved he is okay and that he received wonderful care. Now we can enjoy the last week of our trip. James and I both have a cold (the original virus Dorian had) but we are functioning just fine. We have a million people to see over the next week, and so many family obligations for the holidays. It is so exciting! I will post more pictures before Christmas Eve. Hope everyone is doing well - I hear it's been raining in the Bay Area. It rained the first day we arrived in England but has been sunny (albeit extremely cold and windy) ever since.

Still sick

Poor Dori is still sick. Last night was horrible. He kept coughing to the point of gagging. I was so scared. Luckily, James is very calm and kept control of the situation. I was almost ready to go to the hospital! It's funny, I am so excited to be a nurse and when other people are sick, I'm levelheaded. However, when I'm sick, I'm miserable. And it appears that when Dori is sick, I am terrified! He just seems so little and fragile and when the coughing made him appear to stop breathing for a second (an illusion), it scared the life out of me. He's going to be okay though - we're keeping a close eye on him and staying in for a few days. James and I are feeling sick now too! :( Plus, Dori is still jetlagged so we're exhausted (probably why we got sick as well!) At least we are staying with James' mom and dad (so even though we're sick, they still get plenty of time to spend with us).

Picture taken the day before Dorian came down with a cold - looking really alert and bright-eyed (and old!)! More pictures to come soon.

England update

Sorry for no posts over the last week. We have been insanely busy (or felt like it anyway) since arriving last week-end. It's been great so far...we're catching up with loads of old friends and family. However, I am absolutely exhausted. Dorian is jetlagged. He sleeps all day and is then up from about 12-5am (4-9pm PST). We have had plans during the days though so I haven't been able to sleep when he does. Today we had Ro and Josh (our nephews) over and I had to go back to bed this afternoon. I felt so bad because Ro, the 5 year old, was dying to spend time with Dori and I. I am so sleep-deprived I felt sick though. I managed to get a few hours sleep this afternoon and do feel better for it. It's amazing that Dori is jetlagged (and still one week later) - we hadn't realized he actually had gotten into a routine in the US! Dori also woke up with a little cold today - he's snuffling and coughing. It's not too bad and he seems okay but of course, it breaks my heart to have him sick. Hopefully it will stay as is and not get any worse.

Here are a few pictures to tide you over - I'll try to get some more up over the next couple days...

The cousins
Auntie Han, Uncle Phil, Cousins Ro and Josh
All bundled up - it's in the mid-30's here!

Dorian Roy has arrived in England

We have arrived safely. The flight was amazing! After all the pre-flight stress, we got the seats we wanted and Dorian slept the whole flight - he woke up to feed a couple times and fell back asleep. Not a peep out of him. When we arrived in London, Graham (James' dad) picked us up. We drove to Bridestowe (about a 4 hour drive) and only had to stop once to feed him. Dorian is a traveller alright! Last night was another story. He obviously had jet lag because he was up all night long fussing. I have slept about 4 hours since Thursday night. Still, I'm not complaining because he was as good as gold on the flight!

FIRST PICTURES WITH BRITISH GRANDPARENTS!!!!

Granta held Dorian at Heathrow
Nana is in love with her newest grandson
With both grandparents
James has gone back to his roots with a cup of tea by the fire
Look closely - Dorian will be so much older when we return home in 3 weeks
Father and son (they happened to be wearing the same shirt yesterday!)
Oakland Crockers in England (very happy but very tired!)

Dori's First Flight

We couldn't book the seats last night - they told us we get assigned seats at check-in today (not what we were told earlier in the day). They just make it up as they go along. So we're aiming to get to SFO 4-5 hours before the flight. Wish us luck.

See you all in Bloggerville from the other side of the pond in a couple days!!!!

Bottle blues and airline rant

Last night I tried to give Dorian 4 different bottles - I spent hours trying to give him the bottle. Obviously, if he got really hungry and screamed for more than a couple minutes, I fed him with my breast. Nothing worked. Then he did not sleep well last night - back to his up every 1-2 hour deal and very gassy. This morning, we woke up and I breastfed Dorian. We waited about 30 minutes (before he got too hungry) and then James tried the different bottles on him. No success. Screaming baby. Practically crying mother in the next room (it is AGONY to hear him cry). I have just about had it...we've tried everything!!! I am happy to continue breastfeeding full time, it just means I couldn't work in Half Moon Bay or go out on my own. We'll keep trying, but this is ridiculously challenging. It is such a drag to pump and then store and sanitize everything to then have him cry and refuse the bottle, I almost feel like, what's the point?

Then, get this!!!!!!! James called to confirm our seats with Virgin Atlantic this morning. We had booked the tickets back in May and had confirmed our bulkhead seats and baby bassinet at that time. Well, apparently, they did not save any of this information. We have to book the specific seats later today when we can check in online 24 hours before the flight. This is NOT what we were told in May - we had our seats confirmed! Plus, now they're telling us that they have no record of a baby and instead of him flying free like we were told, we have to shell out $400 for him! Plus, the bassinet which we were told hooks onto the wall in front of the bulkhead seat is actually a bassinet that you hold in your lap!!!! Can you believe this???? James just spent an hour on the phone back and forth to Travelocity and Virgin. We think it's more Travelocity's fault than Virgin's. This was added stress we did not need. Poor James has a million things to do and has to leave for work in 2 hours (and won't get back until 11pm). And we leave tomorrow morning! USE TRAVELOCITY WITH EXTREME CAUTION.

Smile!!!

Crybaby

I am stressing big time here. I am so worried the flight is going to be horrible. Poor Dori is going through a minor colicky phase. I wouldn't go so far as to say he has colic because he doesn't cry all the time and we do have some quiet stretches (and smiles!) He has also been sleeping better the past week - we've gotten some 5-6 hour stretches for the past 5 nights!!! Plus, we really do think a lot of his cries are down to gas because he is often in distress when he passes gas. It is agonizing to hear him cry. Sometimes suckling on my breast helps (pacifiers and fingers don't usually work for him), other times he just needs to be held upright against our shoulder with a lot of pressure on his tummy and one of us making LOUD shushing noises in his ear. Today we were able to quiet him by turning on the vacuum cleaner and bouncing him right next to it. Sometimes nothing helps though and he just cries and cries and it is so sad. I am usually able to calm him eventually - no one else can because he eventually wears himself out from crying, takes my breast and then falls asleep on it. We tried various gas remedies - pumping his legs (works sometimes) and hot baths (he likes them but doesn't help the gas). Simethicone drops don't help at all. Gripe water calms him instantly, but only quiets him for about a minute (while he is tasting it I think). James and I are fine - it is hard for us to hear him cry, but as I mentioned, at least it isn't constant. I am just terrified that the other passengers on the 11 hour flight to England will revolt against us.

In other news, we're still working on the bottle. We think it's the flow rate and are still trying out different bottles and nipples. Fingers crossed. It is still very difficult and we can't find a bottle he likes. I think it's the bottle and not my milk, though I am not sure. It does taste a little soapy to me. I am just about ready to give up on teaching him to take a bottle - it feels like an impossible feat. Just when we think maybe we have it, nope, we don't! Up and down. I am desperate to get back into shape but I can't leave him yet.

Dorian seems so much older now. He does interact A LOT more and looks around at everything and everyone (when he's not upset). We are also able to put him down in his vibrating chair (thank you, Emily!) and he'll look around the room on his own for 10-15 minutes or fall asleep. He keeps growing and growing. He seems massive to me, but I know he still looks like a little newborn to most people. We have had a lot of visitors over the past few weeks. Dorian has been remarkably good with most of the visitors, though sometimes he gets overstimulated and just wants his mama. England will be interesting because there are several days where dozens of different people will be over to see him. I can't stand having him wail, so I am going to keep snatching him back from people. I hope I don't come across as too overprotective.

James and I (well, more me than James) are stressing about Friday - we have a million things to do before we leave. We've got his band's party here tonight, we have to get organized and pack and we have to move everything out of one bathroom, the laundry room and our living room because the contractor is coming to work on turning the laundry room into Dori's room and our second bathroom into a bathroom/laundry room. Plus, James has to work for the next two days and I have my new mother's group session, have to buy last minute items for the trip, go to the bank, pay our bills and let my grandma and parents have Dori time before we leave.

Anyone who says being a stay at home mom is easy has never tried it. I am due back at work (part time) on January 7th but we're obviously going to have to see how things are going with Dorian (and the bottle!) and how many days a week I would need to commute. I can't wait to just get to England and have a much-needed holiday. Still, I really shouldn't complain that much. Life is so amazing - I love my son more than I ever thought possible and when he smiles at me, I know I am happier than I have ever been in my whole life. And James feels exactly the same way. We are so lucky.

More pictures.......

Reading with Daddy (he actually looks at the pictures now!)
Visiting with Cara, my freshman year college roommate (and Daddy, of course)
With my colleagues Dorana and Erika
Found his thumb to suck on!
Dorian likes to listen to Rockin' Santa - I love how the toy is almost as big as him!

Special video of Dorian to be posted before Friday - our first on this blog! Keep checking! I was going to do it today but it was too large so I need James to resize it for me. :)

Bottle Woes

Dorian is still not taking to the bottle. We thought we had it sorted - he was taking to it earlier in the week, albeit a bit fussy at times. Now he is refusing it, squirming and writhing around and crying until he works himself into a state and gets the breast in the end. I can't figure out if my expressed milk has gone bad (I think I may produce too much lipase which causes the milk to taste soapy) and/or if the bottle we are using has too slow a flow rate. We'll keep trying all week-end and then I will try to make it in to see a lactation consultant next week. We leave for England in less than a week - I hope we're able to resolve it before then because the window of opportunity for teaching a baby to take a bottle has almost passed. I didn't end up going for that run the other day because he ended up becoming fussy. I just can't seem to leave my baby!

Dorian is still a newborn...

We may have jumped the gun a bit on celebrating Dorian's long sleeping session ability (from one night!) He did have another 6 hour night on Saturday, but he has also had a few of his normal *crappy* nights (up every 2 hours, or even every 1!). For some reason, I am more tired now than I have ever been before. It's like it has finally caught up with me. Really strange. I am probably getting more sleep than I did the first month, but it is all broken sleep and probably not more than 6 hours a night. Still, enough complaining...it is soooooooooo worth it!!! Mornings are the hardest and then by 11am I usually feel functional. At least we know Dori can go 6+ hours without eating, so eventually he will get into a pattern of sleeping at least that much each night. Grandma and Grandpa bought him a swing to try to get him to sleep more but he hates it. He'll sit in it for about 2 minutes and then start screaming his head off. If we put him in it while he's already asleep, it doesn't prolong his sleep - he still only lasts 1-2 hours and then is very upset when he wakes up and finds he is in this scary moving contraption. Maybe when he's older he'll like it. Or maybe he doesn't like it because it's pink (Grandma and Grandpa did not realize the box color indicated the swing color)! It's a bummer because many newborns love the swing and it really can help parents get more sleep. Our Dorian loves human company though - he is happiest and calmest when he is sleeping on someone's chest or being carried. Still, doesn't he look cute in the swing?
I am going to leave Dorian for the first time this morning - I am desperate to get back into running so I will leave him with his Daddy and a bottle. He seems to be taking the bottle more now. I still don't feel comfortable leaving him with anyone besides James yet though. Some days he has gas and his cries are just agonizing. Other days he seems to be a bit fussy for no reason. He's usually a good baby for us, but when other people hold him, it's not always the case. My work holiday party is this Saturday and I was really looking forward to going. James has a gig though, so there is no way I am leaving Dorian with anyone else (not yet!) We'll keep working on it. We keep forgetting that as big as he has gotten, and as much as he has matured, he is still a newborn. He'll be 6 weeks tonight at 9:49pm.

Enough talking...time for more pictures!!!

Doesn't he look sooooo relaxed here? He LOVES his baths.
Working on his facial expressions...




SMILE!!! Isn't this just beautiful??? I'll leave you with this image. I am going to go for my run now (so excited!). More blogging fun in a few days.

Dorian is a little person now

Wow, in the past week, Dorian has reached some major developmental milestones. He is now 5 weeks, 3 days old and can:

Drink from the bottle. Mama's been pumping! We've only tried this once - he sucked on the bottle right away and drank the whole thing. However, he did get fussy toward the end of the feeding. We don't know whether this was because he was still hungry or whether he wanted to suckle Mama's breast (he is a HUGE Mama's boy and very attached to her at the moment, so much so that he will often cry if anyone else even holds him!)
Smile. James and Grandma have both gotten direct smiles. Mama has seen him smile when he's looking off into the distance and also when he's sleeping. More smiles to come, I'm sure!
Soak up Vitamin D (not for too long, as he can not wear sunscreen until he's older).
Spend more time awake and interacting with people, especially with Daddy who loves to try to make him smile!
Sit quietly on his own for a few minutes (any longer than this and he starts crying for human company - it's a start!)
Take a bath in the big bath.
And in the even bigger bath!
Make Mama laugh with his funny faces.
Wiggle - this boy can seriously move. He's going to be turning over before we know it!
Lounge. Look at him with his head resting on his hand and his legs crossed!
Track movement - Grandpa was moving his hand up and down, round and round and Dorian was watching it intently. Also, Dorian can now hold his head up for long periods of time.
"Play" with other babies (or sleep beside them anyway). One of my closest friends from high school, Jessi, and I have just gotten back in touch (gotta love Facebook) - she has a 3.5 month old daughter, Leah, and also lives in Oakland.
And finally...sleep for 6.5 hours!!!!!! Last night, James and I planned for me to try to get a longer stretch of sleep as I have pumped a couple bottles of milk and I am EXHAUSTED. We figured I could at least get a 4 hour stretch of sleep (Dorian has been waking up pretty much every 2 hours). I fed Dorian at 9:30pm last night and then handed him off to James. I curled up under a comforter (duvet) with earplugs in and James took Dorian into his music room. Apparently, Dorian fussed for about 30 minutes and then fell asleep. The next thing I knew, it was 4:30am and my boobs were majorly engorged and leaking. I took out my earplugs and could hear Dori beginning to wake up in the next room. James was just lifting him out of the Moses basket. He slept from 10pm-4:30am!!! James joked that he must not have wanted the bottle so decided to sleep through the night. Hopefully, this is a pattern that will continue!!!

Crockbaby's First Thanksgiving

The "Pilgrim" from Plymouth, the "Native" American and their hybrid son went for a walk around Lake Merritt on this fine November day. It is very cold at night right now, but very warm and sunny during the day. We can't believe it's almost winter! It sure doesn't feel like it during the day...and yes, we are trying to rub it in for you Brits! We're going out to eat with the maternal family now (Grandma, Grandpa and Uncle Kurt). I think we're going to a British pub for Thanksgiving dinner so we'll be thinking about our upcoming trip. Only 2 more weeks until the British Crockers meet our little squire (James' nickname for Dori). Many more pictures of Dorian in his fifth week to come tomorrow. For now...
Happy Thanksgiving from the Oakland Crockers

Dorian's Fourth Week

Dorian is now 4 weeks old and he is mighty healthy! We went to the pediatrician today and Dorian is now 10lbs, 3.5oz. He has put on 2 pounds in 2.5 weeks! Amazing. He has only grown .35 of an inch since birth so most of the weight is padding, not height. The doctor was very impressed. We certainly know what Dori's been up to the past couple weeks. At least the relentless feeding has paid off. My little fetus is rapidly turning into a baby. I feel proud and sad all at the same time. Mostly proud. But I'm thinking I may want to become a Labor and Delivery nurse instead of a Pediatric nurse just so I can "have access" to newborns all day long.

I am exhausted. I am so happy, but the fatigue is sinking in. Dorian eats round the clock and does not sleep more than two hours at a time. Some nights we seem to get lucky and he will sleep for 3-4 hours at the beginning of the night, but then he is up every 30-45 minutes for the next 7 hours! I am so tired, and my nipples are killing me! I was on a new mommy hormone high the first two weeks, but now, reality has kicked in! Still, it's all worth it!

I joined a new mother's support group which started meeting today. The group meets in walking distance from my house, which is a real plus. It is going to be wonderful - I was so excited to get out of the house and meet other new moms. There are eight of us and we all have babies ages 4-6 weeks. The plan is to meet once a week with a facilitator (who taught the baby care class James and I took in September) and then to go on a social outing at least once a week. Partners may join us on some of the outings. We are planning on hiking, going to play cafes, parks and the Parkway Theater for baby night.

James and I actually went to the Parkway on Monday night and it was so fun! The whole theater was filled with other parents and their infants and we got to eat pizza while sitting on a couch and watching a film. It was so nice to get out. I have really been feeling house-bound because it is so difficult to go anywhere with Dorian. He eats all the time and there is no pattern to the madness. It is so unpredictable. Sometimes he will eat for 2 hours straight and then nap for 20 minutes, then eat for another hour. Other times he will eat twice an hour, then sleep for 2, then eat for 10 minutes. There is no obvious pattern to anything yet, other than the fact that if he binge eats for several hours, I know he will take a longer nap (and it is often early evening so I go to bed too). It makes it impossible to leave the house though! I don't want to be walking from my house to the lake and then get stuck and have to feed outside the chicken and waffle place with homeless people and druggies ogling my boobs. I have been braving it but it is difficult. People don't realize how much infants feed. I had NO IDEA they fed this much. There is no point in me even wearing shirts anymore because Dorian feeds so much. It is wonderful and I am still so blissed out from being a mother, but you can not plan anything!!!! We have been late for every appointment we have had since he was born and I have really had to try to be more relaxed about my compulsive planning. Parenthood is not for control freaks, that's for sure. I am learning to change! :)

And, now, the moment you have all been waiting for...

MORE PICTURES!!!!!

Dorian is not happy when he is deprived of the boobies
The first picture we have taken of Dorian where a Brandli family resemblance can be seen - Dori looks a bit like my brother did when he was young
Still not happy when bath time is over!
4 weeks old and reading already
Daddy was pointing things out to Dori while he looked out the window
At the guitar shop (Daddy's favorite place)
But not Dorian's! Perhaps he won't take after his dad or grandfathers
At the doctor's office today
Ready for his close-up (or maybe not!)