Things to consider before having a baby...

1. Think long and hard about sleep deprivation. Are you sure you can handle it 24/7 for over a year, on your own for weeks on end, and still be able to care for a baby full-time? No, really. Think about it.
2. If your partner is going to be away, be sure to have back-up. Not just grandparents who can help out an hour or so here or there. I am talking about a nanny or babysitter who can relieve you in the middle of the night or at the drop of a hat. Also, get one that is happy to clean and cook too. You can't live on energy bars and decaf coffee forever.
3. Make sure you have lots and lots money so you can afford back-up.
4. Make sure you have a car so you don't feel housebound.
5. Live within five minute's walking distance of shops and children's activity places. Trust me on this one. You may think you'll want to take a half hour walk with the baby to another area but when you're so sleep deprived you can't even keep your eyes open, you won't be able to.
6. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT give up caffeine during your pregnancy. Yeah, it reduces miscarriage risk, blah, blah, blah but if you give it up during pregnancy you can't drink it while nursing. You're going to want the energy boost when you have a little one who refuses to sleep.
7. Get your doctor to prescribe sleeping pills. When you are severely sleep deprived, you'll find you can't sleep even when you have the opportunity to. Insomnia takes hold and you're there lying in bed desperate for sleep but your ears are straining for any any sound that will keep you from getting there.
8. Get a security system in place (alarms, double locks, etc) so you can cross that worry off your list. Better yet, hire a security guard with all the money you're supposed to have.
9. Have friends within walking distance for support. And adult conversation! And people who you can vent to! This is extremely important.
10. Get a tummytuck right after childbirth. If you think you're going to have the time or energy to workout with a baby, think again. If you think you're going to be able to resist chocolate and sweets when you're sleep deprived and nursing, think again. Have a plastic surgeon on your speed dial.
11. Buy a TV and plug the kid in front of it. Ignore all those studies that say TV is bad for kids. You're going to want a couple extra hours of sleep each morning. Start training the kid to be a zombie for a few hours a day now and by the time he's 2, you'll be set.
12. Accept that your body will never look the same again. Your tummy will never return to normal. The melasma and hormone-related acne on your face are there to stay until you can afford to see a dermatologist (and until you stop nursing so you can use the treatments). The ripped hairs along your hairline and randomly all over your head, apparently due to hormone changes. The wrinkles that just all of a sudden appeared on your face. The stretch marks...let's not even go there. The permanent bags under your eyes that no amount of concealer will hide. The sagging boobs in desperate need of a lift. Just accept them. You'll feel better if you don't try to fight them.
13. Be prepared to live with constant backaches, particularly if you have a large baby. It won't go away. Drugs won't help. Stretching won't help. Yoga won't help (not that you'll find the time to do yoga anyway). Just accept you'll probably end up in a wheelchair by the time you're through carrying kids around.
14. If you think you're going to like being a stay-at-home mom, think again. Yeah, yeah, I know you all think you're going to love it but I doubt there has ever lived a stay-at-home mom who really, truly loves her job. And if one exists, don't bother commenting on this blog. I may have to kill you.
15. If you think you're going to want loads more kids after being this sleep deprived, think again.
16. Know that even when you're so sleep deprived you truly feel death is something that could happen at any second, you'll still love this little person more than you ever thought possible and wouldn't change anything for the world.

Then you'll wonder if you need your head checked out.